I'm Bored ... Here's Some Jokes ....

[PhrequenC]

lmao.. these are all pretty funny..

[gtimportfanatic]

[knuckk]

man goes to a skyscraper bar.. sees that the party is jumping.. so he starts drinking and partying.. soon the man is sooo wasted that he just runs and jumps out the window... everyone was in shock. the party stopped.... five minutes later the elevator opens and the same man comes out.. everyone was surprized but relieved.. the party kept going.. a man approaches the jumper and says " hey man we all thought u were dead.. what happened?" .. the jumper looks at him and says.. " well after a couple shots of tequila, ur body weight decreases so much that before u hit the floor.. u float like a feather" the other guy, grabs a big bottle of tequila and takes it to the face real hard.. musters up some courage and jumps out the window.. Splat!! .. everyone runs downstairs. paramedics were there and everything.. so was the original jumper.. the bartender looks at the jumper and says... Superman, You're an A$$hole!

lmaoooooooooooooooooooolmaoo lmaooooo!!

[knuckk]

lmaoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

[gtimportfanatic]

[PhrequenC]

that note is a good one.. wanna hear somethign funny. im in visual basic 1 class right now and there is a nerd and he farted and it stinks and he has red hahrd and glasses and it smells bad...HA!

[boosted-s]

knock, knock, "who's there???" "me, i keel you!"

[That Chic U Love 2 Hate]

knock, knock, "who's there???" "me, i keel you!"

wow ... you're bored :D

[boosted-s]

wow ... you're bored :D

very much soooooooooooooooooooo :eek:

[boosted-s]

The Devoted Wife

A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband. Now he had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to his senses, he motioned for her to come near him.
As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?"

"What, my dear?" she asked gently.

"You're a goddamn jinx!"

[boosted-s]

son asks-What's that wrinkly thing on Grandma?




father answers- Grandpa.

[That Chic U Love 2 Hate]

The Devoted Wife

A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband. Now he had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to his senses, he motioned for her to come near him.
As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?"

"What, my dear?" she asked gently.

"You're a goddamn jinx!"

oh WOW .... that's F*CKED UP lmao

[boosted-s]

Computer Diagnosis

One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
''Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks."

Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:

"Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."

[boosted-s]

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves.
The lad asked, "What is this, father?"

The father, having never seen an elevator, responded, "I have no idea what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.

The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out.

The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother."

[boosted-s]

A teacher asks her class, "If there are five birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny.
"None, they all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is four, but I like your thinking." Then Little Johnny says, "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

"The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on... but I like your thinking."